Need you now

when i feel like i want to write, i just write.
i sometimes feels like you are fading
more and more
i get lonely

i never scared of the people talking at my back
they should be the one who have to be scared
for their sins
for i didnt intend to make them talking.

i am already twenty one, thats a big number i should realize
i have to start listing my own goals
though i shall never know whether i will achieve it
atleast i know where i have to go.

to jannah is top of my list
i have seen people change
for the better for the worst
for i choose to be the better, for the world and hereafter.

they say when you grow older
you'll get wiser
is this a fact or only a saying?
for all i see, when you get older you just get older.

here i am all alone in an empty room
feeling the breezes that come into my room
from the windows that will shall never be close
for i can see the moon and the stars.

im listening to the song. the song that you once sang to me
i feel so cold now
i looked at the clock. its a quarter after one
im all alone and i need you now.

Tentang Kehidupan.

tidak pernah sekali pun aku sesali perbuatan ku
walaupun dosa ku lakukan,
walaupun telah banyak kesilapan
aku percaya semuanya adalah untuk mengajar erti kehidupan.

aku tak pernah menyesal
tak pernah menyesal dengan apa yang telah aku punyai masa lalu
bagiku semua yang pernah aku ada itu, indah
walaupun perit, pedih, ianya adalah catalyst untuk kenangan manis.

apa yang berlalu dan yang akan terjadi
aku serahkan, berserah kepada Allah S.W.T
aku percaya Dia telah mengaturkan yang terbaik bagiku
aku percaya semuanya telah tertulis buatku.

kadang kala aku merindui zaman kanak kanak dahulu kala
dimana aku tidak perlu risau akan apa apa
yang hanya ku rasakan adalah suka semata mata
belum pernah aku mengerti apa itu duka nestapa.

walaupun telah ramai datang dan pergi dalam hidup ini
percayalah setiapnya mempunyai sebutir sebutir memori
kau yang datang dan pergi
kau akan sentiasa terpahat dihati

aku telah gagal berkali kali
tetapi ianya adalah suratan takdir
apa yang telah terjadi dilangit dan dibumi
semuanya adalah kehendak Ilahi.

dosa dan kesilapan ku,
aku berdoa agar Allah mengampun kan ku,
jasa dan kebaikkan ku,
aku berdoa agar Allah menggandakan pahala ku.

My first love

2004

i play this, i see you.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim.

Abah.
engkau lah lelaki pertama yang aku cintai,
abah meninggalkan ku tepat pada tarikh lahir ku yang ke-16,
perit aku rasai, sakit ku tempuhi, cabaran yang ku hadapi.

sebelum itu, semua yang manis dapatku rasai,
sebelum itu, semua yang ku pinta akan abahku penuhi,
pada masa itu, kesempurnaan dapat ku nikmati.

jika kau benar mengenali diriku, aku selalu mendiamkan diri.
apabila "abah, bapa, ayah, papa, daddy, abi" menjadi topic perbualan manusia sekelilingku ini.
sebak, aku tidak mampu mengeluarkan kata-kata,
kerana sebak, sebak didada
ku mahu melitupi air mata.

aku mengaku, pada mulanya aku tidak redha akan pemergiannya
kadang kala, tat kala duka, bermonologue ku sendiri
seakan-akan aku melihatnya berdiri, seakan-akan aku bercakap dengannya.
astaghfirullah. mengucapku sendiri, aku menerima takdirNya,
kembaliku pada realiti.

kini, sudah 21 tahun usia jasadku
kini sudah 6 tahun abah meninggalkanku
semua kenangan masih panas, masih panas segar diingatanku
segala yang terjadi, masih jelas terbayang dimataku.

abah, puterimu ini sangat merinduimu
abah, anak kesayanganmu ini amat benar dahagakan sentuhanmu.
setelah ketiadaanmu, ibu menjagaku dengan penuh kesabaran.
setelah ketiadaanmu, ibu menjagaku penuh dengan ketetapan.

abah telah memilih ibu sebagai ratu hidupmu,
abah tahu ibu yang terbaik untuk berada disisimu,
tidak pernah sekali pun ibu menoleh jauh darimu,
sehingga nafas terakhirmu dia tetap teguh berdiri disisimu,
hebatnya Allah memberimu isteri sebaik ibu.

bersyukur ku kepada Allah
dilahirkan didunia oleh sepasang kekasih, sepasang kekasih bernama Hasamdin & Hasnah.
sepasang kasih yang ku sayangi, sepasang kasih yang amat ku cintai.
bersyukurku kepada Allah.

Alhamdulillah.
Amin.
Al-fatihah. Hasamdin ibnun Fatimah Syam (1 May 1949 - 20 March 2006)

YOU

you, hey you, yes, im calling you.
you might not remember me, but i remember you. clearly.
you might not think of me, but i think of you. perfectly.

you. you that has taught me.
you taught me how to live.
you taught me how to love.
you taught me about life.

you. you that appear in my dreams.
you are hard to be erase.
you know that you are good for chase.

you. you has been good but also bad
you are my past
you were the one that i'd cried for on my bed

you. i hope you are doing well there
you are not in my sight now but
you are the one that i still care

you.
you could be my father
you could be my friend
you could be my lover
you could be my first and
you could be my last.

I love YOU.

i love CATS!

my late father is feeding my first two cat Cutie(cute+putih) and Cutam(cute+hitam) :)

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته and hello to my fellow readers :)

alhamdulillah, we are still alive and awake

we still got the chance asking for forgiveness and to forgive

and to do what a heart desire <3

today, i am going to write about CATS!

cat happens to be the animal i love the most

they are adorable, they are so cute, they are huggable

and the list go on..

when i was a little(around 4-5 years old), we had this cat named bandofywtz, it's a unique name right? it's a combination of my family member's name, my mom made it, i can't even think how it goes. but that cat didn't even last for 24 hours, my eldest sister shouted because she's so scared of cats, and it ran away, and never came back T_T

then when i was in standard one, i pet this two cats named cutie and cutam. we found them near the the drain back of my house. at first, we heard them screaming and meowing and at that time it was raining. me and my sisters decided to take care of them. 


then they were so loved by my family, one day when i went back from my school, 
my mum said my cat cutie died, car accident.  i was devastated, i cried for the whole day and i look at his pictures and i said "iya sayang cutie, bukan tak sayang!" .jyeah, i was in standard one. whaddaya expect?! :D


but cutam is always our sweetheart, after around 7years later, cutam left us. maybe she doesn't want us to look at her dead body. i will cry my lungs out if i see her dead body. :'(


so these two(cutam & cutie)produces the next generations of my cats

Tyson, Marion, Ceduk, Chemong, Nemo, Wallaby, Beethoven, Ian and more. i can't remember. 

me with Marion, kakda with Cutam, abang with Cutam, ibu <3 with  Beethoven

YES! we all loves our cats!


my late father loves animal and cat is definitely at the top of the list.
but after almost 10 years, we can't bare to face with their death
so we decided to stop petting them :(


then last year, my mum went to this restaurant and saw this kitten, she felt pity for this little cat and decided to pet it, it was on Friday, so my mum named it Jumat (Jumaat) :)


and this is Jumat a year later

Jumat is one of the male cat that is very kind hearted, He never wants to fight with any male cats, he like to be friend with any cats. He so annoying when he was a little and very adorable when he grows up. HAHA! i love him. He is very understanding. HAHA! but it's true, i talk to him and he replied. love you umat! 


i love cat. i love animal. i'm against animals cruelty+violence! 
hee. that's all for today! :)
see ya in the next post! you know you love me. XOXO!

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته and goodbye! :)

kawan kawan sayang saya :)

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

meet jie the jojie lee!

jie is best of the best friend i've ever had

it was a bit awkward at first but as time goes by

we shared things and we had so much fun together

she's pretty, she's hot, she's funny, she's sweet, she's kind

she came from KB Kelantan

testimony from jie the jojie lee

hee, comel kan Fareez Othman ni?

:)

tak berubah ohh muka dia dari kecil sampai besar

kening mesti nak macam ni ^^ en? :))

Fareez Othman ni orang panggil dia mok

i am kinda close with him

we shared some random things,serious one, he's a good listener

we share same interest too, we love waterfalls <3

we've been to sungai sendat together

mok is a hot tempered person, punya la marah sebab tak dapat rokok dia

fuh, you don't want to messed up with him I'm telling you, I did that, and he's really pissed, scary!

tapi dia marah tak lama, hee :) we had so much fun at the waterfall!

mok is also a kind hearted too!

i miss spending time with him though, had a real good time lepaking with him :)

testimony from mok

meet baim and his anak buah! :) sweet kan? awww! HAHA!

terlupa la nama panjang si baim ni, tapi tak silap nama dia agak classic. :)

Baim is the person who always try to make a point to argue and fight with me

no matter what, he'll always tried his best to make me stress. HAHA! JOKING!

he called me ngok and i called him ngek

I just met him twice, so i don't really know him personally

but we always chat through Facebook instant message when ever we are online

it's never a dull conversation, it will always be an interesting one,

buat lawak bodoh and all, boleh gelak sampai mati chat dengan mamat ni!

 HAHA!

this is from Baim DIZZY!

meister paweh and his son. HAHA!

paweh ni pun tak tau apa nama betul dia :))

it was a same situation with Baim, we chat through facebook's instant message 

tapi dah upgrade dah, now we chat through skype pulak

haha! tapi tak pernah video skype pun dengan dia ni

he always tease me, never stop teasing me,

but i don't know why, i tend to tell him my problems

HAHA! lucky him because i'm the kind of person who doesn't like to share my problems

and we always talk about education too

i can see that he did good on his study

well done paweh! :)

testimony from Meister Paweh!

HAHA!

meet acai the syairazzi!

dengan acai ni lain sikit cerita dia

how does it started?

i always reached for my boyfriend through his phone number

when they were still schooling (hostel)

then somehow and somewhat we started to keep in touch

and we became friends with such a short time

he's a real friend, when I'm down he's always there

and i did the same thing to him too

we used to share our problems and stories

it's fun to be friend with him

he is soft hearted kind of person :)

testimony from acai!

 

last but not least, HANIF HAMZAH!

since he lives in Sunway near my place, we always hang out

it was awkward when i first time met him

it was at Sunway Pyramid, he was so quiet, he didn't even look at me, and never try to make a conversation with me

but then after he realize my cuteness *BHAHAHA* then only he wants to talk to me, naah, it was a joke :))

he has a major crush on my bestie E bukan nama sebenar since forever

he has a good personality, he's charming, he always smile, he's handsome, he's macho, he is helpful

kenapa aku puji kau lebih ni anip? HAHA!

I'm comfortable with him though

that is why he is the lucky one that always get bullied by me :)

and he had a real satisfaction whenever he bullied me back . HAHA

hujung bulan jangan buat buat lupa aku pulak tau! 

testimony from anip abang handsome!  

so guys, now you all know why the heck I'm asking you guys a favor kan? i just made this blog, and this entry happens to be the last entry about testimonials, you can stalk me here, if you want to :)

baim, ni la project yang kau tunggu 6 bulan tu, haha! 

sorry la lambat sangat, this is the only time that i have to make all these thing. 

what will i post for the next entry? can't wait!

till then, you know you love me. XOXO!

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته